Waiting for Balance

Last night, I dreamed I had a boyfriend. It felt wonderful.

No, there wasn’t any sex. There was just the pure pleasure of someone’s company and love. I don’t remember much of the dream, except for one thing: the moment we first held each other.

I’ve always told myself I don’t want a boyfriend. I’m surrounded by shallow men who prefer beauty to quality. Relationships are stressful. Why would I want that kind of burden on me? I’m moody enough already.

But my subconscious mind seems to be telling me I’m fooling myself. I am lonely. There’s a void another woman could never fill. Sister-to-sister relationships are only so fulfilling, and women need men (and vice versa) for balance.

Maybe I have no balance in my life.

I’m certainly not desperate for love. Not just any man will do. Aren’t my standards reasonable? What’s wrong with wanting a man who loves me for my mind instead of my body, who loves me even when I’m miserable, and who doesn’t want to please me but just be with me? I know Prince Charming doesn’t exist, but I won’t settle for a pauper.

Where is my Adam? Will he ever find me? Should I be looking for him?

Maybe I’ll just keep waiting…

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3 thoughts on “Waiting for Balance

  1. Arale-chan says:

    I don’t know if you read my note on Facebook, “A Man Who Has My Heart in the Palms of His Hands”, but you should if you haven’t. It talks all about how Terence and I met and how he asked me out even when I smelled like throw up and poop, lol.

    Relations can be a burden, but they are also very fulfilling. Well, that’s if you’re with the right person. The problem is that people make relationships more complicated than they actually are. All you have to do is be yourself, and someone will love you for that. It’s just that simple. Oh, and you have to pray and leave your relationship in God’s hands. If you do that, you will be more at peace in your relationship because He’s taking care of it.

    You have to think positive when it comes to relationships. You can’t enter one thinking everything will play out like a fairy tale, but you also can’t expect to have a good relationship when you’re constantly looking at the negative sides of having one. If you enter a relationship with negative thoughts and a negative attitude, than you’re going to get negativity out of it. Chances are, you may not have a relationship at all.

    Continue to keep waiting. There’s nothing wrong with that. While you’re waiting, you should be praying that God will send you the person that is right for you.

  2. Layla n Amentia says:

    HI!!!! First time on here!

    I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m in seventh grade now (it’s summer) and every boy in my class at least says something negative about me. I’m SO not ready for love or like in MY class. All boys in my class are stinky dogs to me. About five people in my sixth grade class have had their first kiss! Is that NORMAL? They were 11, for God’s sake. Sure, I’m not normal (who likes being normal? Doing a little dance right in the middle of Friendlies Ice Cream is WAYYY more fun :)) but I’m not a pervert or a gross kid. I’m SPUNKY and FREE. Is that so horrible?

  3. Jah says:

    You shouldn’t just expect love to come knocking at your door, but don’t just go for any guy either. Don’t feel strange about not wanting a boyfriend. I’m 17 and still haven’t had my first kiss yet (yes, I know I’m younger than you). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten strange looks and whatnot for still being a virgin, never even once having a crush or not having my first kiss. You won’t believe how quickly my so-called “friends” try to hook me up. I don’t want a boyfriend nor do I need one.

    Also, from what I’ve seen in my school, I should be very happy I don’t have a boyfriend. The boys here harass (well to me, not to the girls) their girlfriends and don’t know when to stop. I like being tickled as much as the next person, but when I say stop, get your hands off me!

    As for feeling lonely, well, we all do. That kind of loneliness is called envy in my book. We see the girls who have boyfriends laughing, smiling, always in a sunny mood and we want to feel that way. And who wouldn’t want to feel like they’re living in a fairy tale? But remember: that’s only the surface. Like you said, relationships are stressful. Siblings, parent and child, friendships…add a boyfriend or girlfriend into that mix and you better start adding some extra fuel to your gauge everyday.

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